What To Expect When Working With A Divorce Lawyer

How Personal Experience Shaped Anne Hamer’s Approach To Family Law

In this first episode of Guiding Families Forward Through Divorce, Anne Hamer shares how her personal experience going through divorce transformed her perspective as a family law professional. Before founding Hamer & Taylor, Anne built her career as a corporate litigator handling high-end business disputes and product liability cases after earning her law degree from New York University.

When she returned to the legal field following time at home with her children, she shifted her focus to family law. However, it wasn’t until she experienced her own divorce that her work took on new meaning. That experience changed not only how she viewed her clients but also how she served them. Anne explains that living through divorce firsthand gave her a deeper understanding of the emotional turmoil, financial anxiety, and constant uncertainty her clients face.

She now views her career as a calling—to guide people through one of the most challenging transitions of their lives with compassion, strategy, and clarity. While she admits not every day in this line of work is joyful, she emphasizes that every day is meaningful because she helps clients rebuild their lives.

Understanding The Emotional And Financial Challenges Of Divorce

Anne explains that even for someone who practices law, divorce can be unexpectedly nerve-wracking. The process forces individuals to make significant decisions about finances, careers, and parenting in a short amount of time. Many clients are unprepared for the magnitude of change or the speed at which they must adapt.

She notes that people often underestimate how emotionally charged these situations can be. Clients may feel anxious, overwhelmed, or even needy—but as Anne points out, these feelings are natural. Divorce is rarely a calm process, and clients need reassurance and consistent communication to help manage their fears. Her own experience allows her to recognize that these emotions are not signs of weakness but reflections of the stress and uncertainty inherent in starting over.

How Education Empowers Clients During The Divorce Process

Anne believes that education is power, especially in divorce. The more clients understand about the legal process, the better equipped they are to make informed decisions and navigate each stage with confidence. Her goal is to demystify divorce by helping people understand what to expect—from the initial consultation to the final decree—and how to plan for life after the process is complete.

She encourages clients to view divorce not as a loss, but as a transition. By focusing on what comes next and gathering as much information as possible about their rights, responsibilities, and options, individuals can move forward from a place of strength rather than fear.

What Clients Should Bring To Their First Meeting With A Divorce Lawyer

When preparing for an initial consultation, Anne advises clients to gather as much financial and personal information as possible. This includes bank statements, mortgage details, vehicle information, and a list of assets and liabilities. For those with children, details about their needs, schooling, and schedules are equally important.

Anne suggests creating an assets and liabilities spreadsheet and, if possible, downloading her firm’s financial planning forms directly from her website. By providing a complete financial picture early on, clients enable their lawyer to develop an effective strategy for settlement, negotiation, or litigation.

She also stresses the importance of considering safety first. Clients should always disclose whether they or their children are in a safe environment before any legal planning begins. Once safety and stability are established, Anne and her team focus on crafting a detailed plan that reflects both financial and emotional realities.

Managing Expectations And Balancing Strategy With Support

Anne acknowledges that divorce clients often want both strategic legal guidance and emotional reassurance simultaneously. Her approach balances both—helping clients stay calm while her team works diligently behind the scenes to prepare for mediation, discovery, or trial.

She compares her role to that of a duck—calm and composed on the surface but paddling vigorously beneath the water. Her job is to give clients confidence and stability while managing the complex procedural and legal details that happen behind the scenes.

Anne also emphasizes that clients who take an active role in their financial preparation tend to progress more smoothly. When clients understand their financial situation—income, expenses, and assets—they can participate more effectively in decisions about division, support, and long-term planning.

Common Misconceptions About Divorce

According to Anne, one of the biggest misconceptions about divorce is that one party will always end up financially devastated. High-earning spouses fear they will lose everything, while stay-at-home partners worry they will be left with nothing. Money is almost always the biggest source of anxiety.

She also explains that while children are often a major point of contention, they tend to act as emotional “lightning rods” for deeper financial and emotional tensions between parents. Anne advises clients to avoid unnecessary drama, keep their personal matters private, and refrain from running to court for every small disagreement.

Instead, she encourages clients to “worry in order”—a phrase she borrowed from a client who once produced an album for John Mellencamp. The idea is to focus on one issue at a time rather than trying to solve everything at once. Anne tells her clients to trust the process and let her handle the ten steps ahead, while they focus on what’s directly in front of them.

Navigating Divorce For High Net Worth Clients

Anne frequently represents high net worth clients and notes that their expectations often differ. These clients are accustomed to immediate responses from their financial advisors, employees, or business partners—and they expect the same level of access from their legal team.

While Anne provides all her clients with her personal contact information, she reminds them that the court system operates on its own schedule. When cases involve multiple lawyers, financial experts, and court deadlines, progress can be slower than clients expect.

She contrasts this with her lower net worth clients, who may hesitate to reach out because of cost concerns. Anne emphasizes that communication is key—waiting too long to discuss issues can prolong the process and increase expenses. The more prepared both sides are, the faster a case can move forward.

Building Strong Communication Between Clients And Lawyers

Anne concludes the episode by discussing how effective communication builds stronger attorney-client relationships. While she uses texts for brief check-ins, she relies on email for substantive updates and strategy discussions. Written communication ensures accuracy and helps clients stay informed without confusion or miscommunication.

She encourages clients to keep a record of all correspondence so they can reference it before asking new questions. This helps streamline communication and reinforces the collaborative nature of the process.

Anne also acknowledges that different clients prefer different communication styles based on their backgrounds and life experiences. Some clients—especially those not used to complex legal matters—require more guidance on how to communicate effectively. Her goal is always to meet clients where they are while ensuring they receive accurate, timely, and professional information.

Helping Families Move Forward With Confidence

In closing, Anne reflects on the emotional side of divorce and the importance of maintaining self-control during such an intense period. While she empathizes deeply with her clients’ pain, she reminds them that composure leads to better outcomes. Losing control or reacting impulsively can harm a case and prolong emotional recovery.

Anne’s final message is one of empowerment: with the right preparation, knowledge, and legal guidance, families can move forward from divorce with clarity, confidence, and a renewed sense of purpose.